It's International Day of Happiness on the 20th of March 2024 and it's got me thinking about what happiness is.
When I ask my clients what they want from therapy, they often reply that they want to feel happier - but what is happiness and what does it mean? It can be hard to define. Wikipedia defines it as:
"Happiness is a positive and pleasant emotion, ranging from contentment to intense joy. Moments of happiness may be triggered by positive life experiences or thoughts, but sometimes it may arise from no obvious cause."
So if we try to define it using words such as joy and contentment, perhaps we need to understand and define what joy and contentment mean which can take us down another path! I think what we can all agree on, is that happiness is subjective. It is an emotion that will mean different things to different people. For example, some people may find happiness in spending time with their family or friends, while others may find it in work and their career. This is why when clients say they want to feel happier at the end of their therapy, I take time at the beginning of their therapy, to explore what this means to them.
It can be hard for clients to think about what makes them happy when they first come to counselling, because sometimes it's been a while since they've felt happiness. The weight of what is troubling them can prevent them from doing the things that give them their moments of joy, and clients can be far from feeling content. Sometimes, for this reason, I will ask them the miracle question - if you were to wake up tomorrow and all your problems were solved, what would be different? We explore how they would know things had changed, how other people would know, what would be different about their lives, what they would be doing, and so on.
When I ask questions like these, clients can often picture how they would like their lives to be, what they might be doing, and how they might feel. Many of us dream of winning big money on the lottery but when asked how life would be different, clients will mostly talk about the small things we often take for granted, such as:
I will be smiling more
I will be sleeping better and wake up feeling refreshed.
I will be taking better care of myself with healthy food and exercise
I will be spending more time with family and friends
I will not feel anxious all the time or be worrying all the time
I will feel confident in work/social situations
I will be doing the things that I enjoy - sports/hobbies/socialising
I will be able to relax
I will be able to say no when I want to
I will be communicating better and feel heard and understood
I will have self-compassion
I will have a better work-life balance
I will feel present in my life
While these things don't necessarily define happiness, they are often the things that positively contribute to a person's well-being and resilience. They can be missing when we are struggling with our mental health, or have experienced a recent loss or bereavement.
When I think of what makes me feel happy, it's spending time with my family and friends, with whom I have meaningful relationships. I also experience happiness when I'm being creative, enjoying my hobbies, and doing fun things such as going to live music gigs or watching comedy. When I feel present during all these experiences and moments of joy, they stay with me and form lasting memories.
As well as joy, fun, and contentment, other emotions and feelings that I connect with happiness are peace, tranquility, calmness, fulfillment, and gratitude. I find gratitude interesting because it can help us feel more present, which many clients say is how they want to be. Gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something. Practicing gratitude helps us to notice the positives more often and can help magnify the pleasure we feel in life.
“…with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.” - Robert Emmons
A simple way of practicing gratitude is to start a gratitude journal or diary. Every day list 3 things you are grateful for in a notebook or your notes app on your phone. They can be small things. Today mine were:
As I got up today, I was grateful for the sunshine streaming through our upstairs windows - such a contrast to the grey days we've had lately.
I was grateful for the effort I made to cook myself a healthy lunch as once I had made it, I enjoyed it.
I was grateful that my favourite mug was clean so I could fully enjoy my first coffee of the day!
Gratitude journaling isn't just a feel-good practice; studies have shown the positive impact of gratitude on our mental and physical health. When we focus on the things we're grateful for, our brains release dopamine and serotonin, also known as the "feel-good" chemicals. This can lead to improved mood and a greater sense of well-being. In addition to its mental benefits, gratitude journaling has been shown to impact positively on our physical health. Research suggests that practicing gratitude can lower blood pressure, and even strengthen the immune system. By reducing stress and promoting relaxation, gratitude journaling can contribute to overall better health and well-being.
“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” - David Steindl-Rast
How are you feeling right now? Perhaps you are not happy or content but feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and can't stop worrying. Counselling can help you gain clarity and perspective on your issues, give you the time and space to figure out better ways to cope, and ultimately help you to understand yourself better and what contributes to your happiness. Please get in touch if you would like online or telephone counselling at joanne@joanneosheacounselling.co.uk or 07551 195435.
Σχόλια