I like to use a rubber-topped pencil and an old-fashioned appointment diary to keep track of client appointments and my to-do list. I like using a pencil because I can make amendments neatly and erase all my mistakes. It got me thinking about what it might be like if we could erase all our mistakes in life just as easily and quickly, so our lives were more ordered and less messy!
It might certainly free us from some of the uncomfortable feelings we experience such as guilt, shame, embarrassment, anxiety, and frustration, but would that make us less human and less appreciative of some of the other emotions we feel when things go right such as joy, happiness, and gratitude?
Mistakes are inevitable and failing is a universal part of the human experience. If we can get past the feelings of vulnerability, they offer us valuable opportunities for growth and self-improvement. Learning to reframe mistakes as an opportunity for growth can also help us combat perfectionism.
Many of us can struggle with perfectionism - the tendency to set excessively high standards for ourselves (and sometimes others). I have worked with clients who struggle to cope with being less than perfect, and the possibility of making mistakes – particularly at work – sends their thoughts spiralling to worst-case scenarios causing them high levels of anxiety. The reality is that they are often great at their job, but they don’t see it and seem unable to accept praise.
There is nothing wrong with trying to do a good job and avoid making mistakes, but when we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves with the need to be perfect, it can result in:
• Extra, often unacknowledged work
• Increased workloads with an inability to delegate
• Being constantly available/on call for work outside of working hours
• Being unable to say no to extra tasks when you are already overloaded
• No work/life balance
• Less time for family and friends, negatively impacting relationships
• Lack of self-care and time for the things you enjoy
• Sleep problems
• Exhaustion
• Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and low moods
• Burnout
• Feelings of not being good enough
Learning how to process mistakes and develop a growth mindset can help us to adapt, evolve, and become more resilient positively impacting our mental health. So how can we process our mistakes?
1. Have courage, acknowledge your mistakes, and admit when you have done something wrong. Apologise when needed. By taking ownership with honesty, people will remember your grace and humility and you can release some of the negative feelings that you may be experiencing.
“Grace means that all your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of shame”. - Brene Brown
2. Get some perspective or see the bigger picture by stepping back and reframing and analysing your mistake. This will help build your resilience and help your development both personally and professionally. Ask yourself questions – What was I doing? What went wrong? When did it start going wrong? Working out how and why the mistake happened can provide insight to prevent the same mistake from happening again.
3. Practise some self-reflection – Take a closer look at yourself. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What areas require improvement? Increased self-awareness can lead to personal growth and a better understanding of our capabilities and potential.
4. Take action and put what you have learned into practice and keep practising! Do you need to put in place different strategies? Perhaps you need to change the way you communicate.
5. Review your progress. Get constructive feedback from a trusted friend, work colleague, or family member, or at the very least dedicate some time to self-evaluate.
6. Be open to feeling vulnerable. It helps develop greater empathy and compassion for others, fostering better relationships.
7. Remember, mistakes will happen. It is human to make mistakes, so you are not alone. Show yourself compassion. Think about how you would treat a friend and apply that to yourself.
So rather than striving for perfectionism, don’t be afraid of messing up. When we bounce back from our mistakes it encourages adaptability, creativity, and fresh ideas, it builds our resilience and confidence and helps us develop empathy and compassion, setting us on the path to being the best versions of ourselves.
“I don’t think you can come into your wisdom until you have made mistakes on your own skin and felt them in reality of your own life”. - Elizabeth Gilbert
If you are struggling with perfectionism or experiencing some of the issues above, counselling can help you. Please get in touch to arrange a chat about your counselling needs at:
joanne@joanneosheacounselling.co.uk or telephone 07551 195435.
Online or telephone appointments are available.
Comments