How we practise self-care will be different for each and every one of us. It might be walking in nature, going to the gym, doing something creative, practising mindfulness and meditation, meeting up with a good friend or a coffee in a café with a good book.
Many of my clients say to me that when they consider self-care, it feels selfish to do something for themselves that is not connected to achieving or crossing off something on their to do list. They tell me that they can feel guilty taking time out of their busy lives and schedules to have a little bit of ‘me time’ as they think they should be doing things with or for their partners or children. Yet when I ask them what they might say to a friend who is struggling with stress, anxiety, exhaustion, or low mood, they can easily offer good advice in suggesting that they would ask their friend to think of what they need to start taking care of themselves.
To me, self-care means taking care of myself so that I am able to enjoy life and be present in the moment. It helps me build resilience to be able to cope with the stress of more challenging times, and by making it a healthy habit, it means that I can be the best and happiest version of myself when I am with my family and friends, and the calm, gentle, professional counsellor that my clients need me to be.
Like many of my clients, I have learned the importance of self-care in promoting good mental health, the hard way. When we keep on going with the never-ending list of things that we feel we should be doing, and constantly prioritise everybody else’s needs above our own, it can end in burn out. I used to feel that I was on a hamster wheel and as long as I kept going, I would be ok. In reality, it was the opposite. Eventually I fell off the wheel and everything felt overwhelming. I found it so hard to do the simplest of things that before I could do without thinking. Just deciding what to cook for dinner felt like too much of a decision for me to make! It took a while for me to pick myself up and work out what I needed to be able to start enjoying life again and that included that little bit of regular time that was spent doing something for me. The something being anything that would give me enjoyment, relaxation, rest, motivation, peace and encourage positive energy. The saying ‘old habits die hard’ means that for me, self-care is always a work in progress. The four years that I spent training to become a counsellor has encouraged on going self-reflection and this has helped me to develop a greater sense of self-awareness which means I can pick up on when I feel my ‘inner hamster’ getting a bit too busy!
Self-Care Tips:
1. Self-care means taking time to do things you enjoy. Usually, self-care involves everyday activities that you find relaxing, fun, or energizing. These activities could be as simple as reading a book, or as big as going on holiday.
2. Self-care also means taking care of yourself. Eating regular healthy meals, getting enough sleep, regular exercise, and anything else that maintains good health.
3. Unhealthy activities don’t count as self-care. Substance/alcohol abuse, over-eating, and other unhealthy behaviours might hide uncomfortable emotions temporarily, but they cause more problems in the long run.
4. Self-care isn't just about doing solitary activities, it's often social. One of the most nurturing things people can do for themselves is to seek human connection in response to stress rather than isolating themselves. This applies even to introverts.
5. Make self-care a priority. There will always be other things to do, but don’t let these interrupt the time you set aside for self-care. Self-care should be given the same importance as other responsibilities.
6. Set boundaries to protect you. Learn to say “no” to others. You don’t need a prior commitment to say no; your self-care is reason enough. Remind yourself that your needs are as important as anyone else’s.
7. Try setting specific self-care goals. Vague goals, such as “I will take more time for self-care” do not often work. Instead, try something specific, such as “I will walk for 30 minutes every evening after dinner”.
8. A few minutes of self-care is better than no self-care. Try setting an alarm to remind you to take regular breaks, even if it’s just an uninterrupted healthy snack or short work outside. Often stepping away can energize you to work more efficiently when you return.
9. Make self-care a habit. Choose activities that you can do often, and that you enjoy and can stick with as using self-care just once won’t have much effect on reducing stress.
And finally - Keep going with your self-care routine, even when you’re feeling good. Your self-care might be part of the reason why you’re feeling good. Don't be the hamster on the wheel that never gets off until it falls off!
Counselling can often be the best self-care we can give ourselves when we find ourselves struggling with issues such as stress, anxiety, relationships and grief. Please get in touch with me if you would like to book a session. Telephone: 07551 195435
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